Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
