True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
it's like iHOP with fire
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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