Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
