I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
