My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
