Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
