So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
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