maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Be still, my beating vagina.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
