Screwed.edu
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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