Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize