I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
