I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
