My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
