I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
