I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
