I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
