we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
