My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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