dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
