just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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