i don't plan on having that self control this summer
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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