Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
