Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Shame - the story of my life.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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