My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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