I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize