ugly people sure do ruin things
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
