I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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