I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
