did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
