My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
