i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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