Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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