this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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