I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
