I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i will never coherently bang her
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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