Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
