speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
