Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
