I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
