I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
