Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
