official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
