Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
