yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
