My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
