There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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