How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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