too bad you live with your parents still
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
