marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
