You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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