forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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